For This House
Your haven for home & heart
Your haven for home & heart
My house has been pummeled with all the big sicknesses in the last few months. From double ear infections to RSV and asthma diagnoses to bacterial pneumonia, I can only hope we’re through the woods now for this cold and flu season. Bring on spring and summer!
Daycare has been an amazing thing for my family, but of course, it comes with a lot of extra exposure to germs like these. My husband and I have remained relatively unscathed through all of these, which at least helps us to stay focused on helping our little man back to health, but not this time.
Oh no… not this time. Mom got it. Thirty-eight weeks pregnant and coughing up a lung like it’s just not supposed to be there. Miserable timing for such a horrible lung infection.
Thankfully, I’m writing this from the other side of said cough (thank you doctors and modern medicine!). But I’ve been reflecting on a few lessons learned from being so sick and unable to assume my normal mom and wife responsibilities.
Just like they say during the airplane safety speel you hear on every flight you take, you must care for your own health and well-being first and foremost in order to continue caring for the community, little people, or fur babies you call your family. You can’t help others with an empty cup.
Is it possible you’ve been neglecting some of your own basic health needs all along, and that’s how you got here in the first place? Really think about it. I’m not talking about all the new-age self-care tactics, but rather the basics (remember Maslow’s hierarchy from that class you took?).
These are all basic needs that need nourishment regularly to keep you from getting run down physically in the first place.
You don’t have to feel like you’re being needy when people offer to help you. We all go through seasons where our strength to take care of ourselves ebbs and flows.
How much time do you spend reaching out to others to offer your help and services? It shouldn’t be a score card by any means, but if you’re able to extend a helping hand, you sure better be able to learn how to humble yourself and receive the same help in return.
You learning to accept help gives space for others to serve. This is such a healthy cycle. So please, please do not feel guilty for saying “yes” when someone offers to bring a meal or watch your kid for an hour.
Once you have learned to accept help, remember to do it with kindness. People make offers to help, but don’t always know exactly what you need. It’s absolutely okay to make a request or pivot their offer to get the help you need, but remember to be kind in your request.
People also have their limits. Especially if you have immediate or surrounding family helping to care for you or your household, make sure you set clear expectations of their limitations so there’s no strain in your relationships.
No one benefits from your need to be a backseat driver while you’re unable to do anything for yourself. This “mommy micromanagement” isn’t healthy for you or your relationships.
If you must, just close your eyes and remember this is only temporary. When you’re back on your feet and able to do it yourself, THEN you can do it your way. Unless someone is asking you for your input on how you would do something, just let them do it their own way in order to help out (unless of course something will break or someone will get hurt… there are definitely exceptions).
Learning to live with less than perfect may be a freeing experience for you, too, as you’re forced to slow down in this season and savor what is important in the everyday moments versus keeping the house in a certain order. You can still thrive when things aren’t in their rightful place.
Make sure the people helping you know how much you appreciate it. It’s one step to learn how to accept the help in the first place, and another to also be grateful to the real person taking time out of their own schedule to take care of your basic needs, or even just keep you company.
I think this goes even more so for paid nursing or care aide staff. Those people chose a career in helping others and clearly have a gift for it. Make sure they feel appreciated even if it is their job to be there. A simple “thanks” will do, or something a little more thought out if that’s your style.
Another thing to consider here—cherish your everyday health when you are feeling like yourself again. It’s something many of us take for granted every day when there are definitely people in your life right now who struggle every day with chronic illnesses, mental health struggles, and even undiagnosed conditions. So be thankful for the way your body moves and functions in whatever YOUR normal is.
I’m healthy again now, but as I head back into the newborn and postpartum season myself, I will have to look back here and relearn my own advice again and again.
These things do not all come naturally when you’re a normally self-reliant and independent person. But for a season now and then, it is good to humble yourself, find rest in the helplessness, and allow others to love you in a tangible way.
