For This House
Every Season. Every Space. All for Him.
Every Season. Every Space. All for Him.
January 20, 2025 | 4 min read
Jacqui Chalmers
“I’ll bring brownies…., actually make that a packet of biscuits…actually I’m not bring anything”
“I can help you move, I’ll need to bring the baby though and I only have an hour to offer”
We rarely realize the importance and pride we place on certain aspects of our lives until they are challenged or taken from us.
I found this area for me within the first few months of a new baby. Turns out I placed my sense of self-importance and pride in my ability to show up for people, which took a big hit.
Up until having my son, I believed I was humbly serving the Lord and others through my spiritual gifting to be helpful, reliable and always available to be called upon at the last minute.
Showing up for others and serving the church and the Lord has changed drastically for me since having a baby.
I went through a re-molding period where I attempted to continue serving in the same capacity I had prior to having a baby at the cost of interrupting feeds, delaying naps and leaving day-old, uncooked brownie mix on the counter.
What good was I if I couldn’t offer a whole day to help someone move?
Where was my value if I couldn’t babysit last minute?
I wondered if others would still like me and think of me as valuable to the community if I was no longer available.
Before having kids I now realize my attitude towards serving at church, serving the community and showing up to support those in need was really about me. It made me feel valuable, needed, useful. Being “not needed” is my biggest fear therefore being needed fills my flutes.
I could shuffle, reschedule, or rearrange my day to do what needed to be done for anyone who asked. Oh, there’s no one able to fill that role, I could do it. Just had a baby and need milk, I’m on it. I had time to serve in multiple areas of the church, house/dog sit, pick up other’s kids from daycare… you get the picture.
I was needed and valued (in my opinion) which only fed my ego and my self-importance… until I had a baby. Having a baby is a great way to find your most selfish thoughts, desires, and “I can’t believe I just thought that” moments.
Some call it ambition, perseverance, energy, or commitment even. Looking back, I now recognize it as putting others before my baby. I tried.
After only a few weeks of newborn life, I was rescheduled on the serving teams at church and signed up to meal trains. How did everyone survive while I was absent?
But I quickly realized my spots had been filled. When we say no to an opportunity, it gives space for someone else to step up. God does not need us, although we like to think he does.
But stuck in my pride, I tried to continue to do my thing: making and serving coffee with a baby strapped to me who was desperately in need of a nap, trying to give another mum a break by taking her newborn while my 3-month-old also needed me, going from one event to another, baking for all the things, etc.
After a while, the busyness got to me and feelings of resentment and frustration started to creep up when someone called upon my help. Do they not know I have a baby and my time is so limited? Really, me? Why me?
My attitude towards helping others had become one of begrudging. I did not have a cheerful heart towards serving. In my efforts to serve how I had once done, I became bitter and I overlooked the new and exciting area that needed most of my energy, commitment and service. My baby.
In my frustration, I reached out to a close friend who has shared many words of wisdom with me over the years (a woman who stands behind this very blog platform). When I asked her how her serving had changed for her since having kids, she replied, “Your main serving opportunity is to your baby and family, to teach them about Jesus, be present, and show up for them.”
When sharing with another friend about this new season I was marathoning my way through, and the frustration of not quite being able to do things the same, she responded with encouragement. She said every time she turned up somewhere and saw our family there, it was an encouragement to her, and that simply showing up is the simplest way of serving!
I needed to take a hard look at myself and my attitude. Reflecting on why, out of all the challenges of having a newborn, this is what I had found most challenging.
It became apparent this is where I had placed my Christian identity. I was the jack-of-all-trades church member. It wasn’t about God and helping others but because it fed my biggest desire. To be needed. I’m so thankful that God in his graciousness showed me my sin through the sweetest gift of new life.
While one could argue I’ve traded one area of being needed for another area, I can confidently say that my nature is the desire to be needed everywhere. My ego stings a little when I don’t get called upon over others now, but I’m able to see it as a reminder that it’s not about me.
God does not need me to grow his church or care for his people. He invites me to be a part of it.
Is serving meant to be sacrificial? Is it meant to ruffle us a little as we put others first? I’m still thinking on this but my initial answer is yes, serving should disrupt us a little as it molds us and transforms us to be others focused.
A recent podcast brought things into a new light for me. Risen Motherhood interviewed Jen Wilkins. She spoke of capacity (to serve) and cost.
Every mother’s capacity to serve is different. It’s dependent on her surrounding support. I realized I was beyond my capacity and my family was paying the price. Having a baby is not an excuse to not serve, but perhaps a reason to reevaluate how, when, and where you serve and to what capacity and cost.
I’ve taken a step back now myself. I now know my capacity is not what it once was, and the cost has been affecting my son and husband. I’ve chosen my areas and ministries to serve in and be present in. I’ve rethought how I can support new mums or single parents in ways that won’t take away from time with my son.
This podcast was a rebuke and an encouragement to me. My role within God’s church is to model a faithful walk to my children. They need to see me do that.
My child needs to see me do my quiet time, read my bible, and welcome people at the church door the way I love to do. He needs to see my husband behind the sound desk, playing bass, and inviting newcomers to lunch. Otherwise, how will he know it’s important? He needs to see us modeling our faith through serving.
Lord,
Before you, we come, ready and willing to serve you. Forgive us for the times we make it about us. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to use the gifts you bestowed within us to love your family. Create in us hearts that seek you, desiring to spend time with you, that we may see others through your eyes and hearts that love others joyfully.
John 13:34-35 NIV
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
1 Samuel 12:24 NIV
“But be sure to fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you.”
Matthew 5:16 NIV
“In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”
Jacqui hails from Australia but currently resides in British Columbia with her husband and young son. She actively seeks time in God’s creation for the beauty, the movement, and most often, the fellowship.