For This House
Every Season. Every Space. All for Him.
Every Season. Every Space. All for Him.
My first pregnancy was during the heart of the COVID-19 pandemic in British Columbia, so navigating my second pregnancy in our “new normal” world has been a real trip.
First time around, I was always on video calls from the chest up and never had to acknowledge that I was pregnant unless I wanted to. It was my choice to bring it up or keep it to myself. Whether on a work video call, a Bible study group through church, or calling a friend or family member to catch up, my first pregnancy never felt like “the elephant in the room” because it wasn’t a front-and-center feature of my physical presence.
Now deep into the third trimester with our second baby boy, I’m reflecting on all the differences my social and professional life have endured this time around.
So I thought that I’d share some of the best and worst things I’ve heard during this public-facing pregnancy experience.
Whether you think it’s big or small, either way you’re playing with very personal and very real emotions and concerns that she already has about the size of that baby bump.
For me, I’m short with not a lot of space for it to go except out, so I get a lot of bulging eyeballs when I say my due date… further out than most people are expecting. It’s not like I WANT or CHOSE the physiology of my own body and how it adapts to carrying a child. I’m just working with what God gave me.
And no, she doesn’t really want you to touch her bump either.
My policy is if you touch mine, I will touch yours. If that would make you uncomfortable, then you understand where I’m coming from. There might be a baby IN there, but that bump you’re touching is all me.
This is especially important if you’re talking to a first-time mom. After going through it once myself, it wouldn’t bother me to hear others’ birth stories up front, but I do remember being really sensitive the first time around because I wanted to go into my own first birth with a clean slate, not knowing what my own body was capable of. Probably just safest to wait for her to ask or open the invitation to discuss your own experience.
I get asked all the time “how are you feeling?” and I’m never quite sure how to answer that question. It’s so broad, and changes moment to moment. I’m feeling anxious, restless, excited, forgetful, heavy, achy, time-strapped, and the list could go on.
But ask me a highlight or a lowlight of the last week or two of pregnancy and I’d be happy to share something real and personal.
For example, I hate to admit that “pregnancy brain” is a real thing, but boy is it ever. My LOW of the last week was forgetting my son’s stuffed lovey when we went overnight somewhere. Fortunately he met me with grace and happily slept with another toy on hand. Phew! And my HIGH was watching him the next night make a bed for baby brother next to his own. ☺️ How could that not melt your heart?!
Be specific and concrete with your intentions, but fluid with your timing and commitment. Having a baby is a life-changing experience and so many new and unexpected needs come out of it, especially the first time around, you just can’t foresee every need.
Every pregnant woman or new mom needs a friend or family member that’s just willing to do the weirdest and most unexpected things to support her, and with no judgment for asking.
Before baby comes, when she’s carrying the most baby weight, it’s just generally hard to do normal tasks. Then in the early weeks with baby, it’s not as helpful for you to come over to hold baby, but there are so many other tangible things you can do to help that save her a little bit of physical effort and a whole lot of mental load. (That’s another whole blog post!)
I think it means so much more right now with this ever-present bump in the middle of all my conversations when someone asks me something about myself or my life that has nothing to do with being a mom or being pregnant.
Did you know there is more to a pregnant woman than that bump you see? She’s had decades of life before that exact moment, with lots of other interesting things to talk about that could help her escape how she’s actually feeling about anything pregnancy related.
What hobbies do you know she’s interested in? Has she watched any new shows or movies? Does she have a career? Has she done anything new with her house lately? Of course all of these topics intertwine with her new upcoming motherly role, but you can let her lead the conversation there.
Know your relationship boundaries with the pregnant lady you’re talking to. If you are really good friends with a close bond, you probably have permission to get personal and ask the quirky questions. But if that wasn’t your relationship before she was pregnant, this might not be the time to start.
It’s hard to get past the obvious, I know. I’m not saying NO pregnant woman ever wants to talk about her belly, pregnancy, or impending birth plan, but chances are, she has already been asked those basic and sometimes insensitive questions by every other person.
Be the friend who goes one step deeper and brings the thoughtful and meaningful conversation to this overwhelming time in life.
*Note: This is obviously an opinion article from one pregnant woman’s point of view. Generalizing women is a dangerous game, so be sure to consider your actual pregnant friend’s needs and wants from you.
Lauren is a founder of For This House. She is passionate about living authentically for Christ both personally and professionally. Lauren lives in British Columbia with her family of boys. She enjoys nature walks, quality time with family or friends, and exploring new places. Learn more about Lauren.