For This House
Every Season. Every Space. All for Him.
Every Season. Every Space. All for Him.
As we approach election season, college move-ins and new routines, disagreements are bound to arise. Most of us claim to “hate conflict,” avoiding it until the small issues snowball into what feel like insurmountable problems. But what if we could approach conflict differently?
During my time overseeing campus life for freshman and sophomore girls at a university, I witnessed countless conflicts. One common scenario involved roommates: a wet towel left on a bed, an alarm clock ringing multiple times, or clothes with an odd smell. These small irritations, left unaddressed, often escalated to the point where students felt they needed new living arrangements entirely.
This pattern isn’t unique to college. In all areas of life, avoiding conflict only allows problems to grow. We shouldn’t shy away from conflict but face it head-on, at times even inviting it to our table.
Don’t be surprised when differences lead to conflict. We don’t need to go far to find that our own preferences, experiences, and points of view will rub someone the wrong way. While we shouldn’t seek to create discord with others, we should hold to what we know is true. (2 Timothy 3:14-17)
Asking questions can help clarify whether the conflict is known, or if the other person is simply unaware of how you may be offended by what they have said or done. Just make sure you’re asking questions with genuine empathy and a desire to seek knowledge, not to be passive aggressive.
Instead of trying to think of your response while the other person is speaking, listen intently to what they are saying without responding. When you think they’re finished speaking, listen just a little longer. Pause before bursting into a response. Remember: Be quick to listen and slow to speak. (James 1:19)
Viewing the other person as an image-bearer of Christ during any conversation, especially a disagreement, will help you uphold the dignity of who you’re speaking to. God made us each unique and gave us autonomy, which means we will have differing perspectives, experiences, and values. Sometimes these differences can work together for His purpose. If the disagreement is not an issue of salvation, it is not a hill worth your relationship dying on. (James 3:8-10)
If the disagreement you’re experiencing is happening digitally—just stop. Take that conversation into real life. This will allow you to hear the tone of voice, see the body language, and interpret the facial expressions of who you’re speaking with. It is very easy to say bolder things when we’re not face to face, it is also easy to misinterpret written text.
Along with this comes keeping the conflict contained unless it can’t be resolved between those involved. Seek wise counsel, but approach the other person on your own, face to face, before bringing others or a facilitator into the conversation. (Matthew 18:15-16)
Most people aren’t arguing with you or acknowledging a point of contention to hurt you. They likely just want their feelings and needs to be heard and met in a way that works for both of you. Try not to be defensive, and assume the best intentions.
Most arguments won’t be resolved in one sitting. Recognize that you may need to press pause and revisit the topic later. A disagreement or conflict doesn’t have to take over your entire relationship. It’s okay to table a discussion to gain perspective.
Finding common ground is important. Reconciling doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll come to a full agreement, but it will allow you to set the tension aside when you walk away from the conversation. Value your relationship over winning the argument. Agree to revisit the topic later if needed, but end on a positive note. (Ephesians 4:25-27)
Conflict is an inevitable part of life, but it doesn’t have to be destructive. By approaching disagreements with empathy, respect, and a willingness to understand, we can turn potential rifts into opportunities for growth and deeper connections. Engaging conflict in a healthy, constructive manner will do a lot more good for us than avoiding it altogether.
As we navigate the challenges of upcoming changes and differing opinions, let’s commit to facing conflicts head-on, with grace and understanding. After all, it’s through these difficult conversations that we often find our greatest opportunities for personal and relational growth.
Lord,
Your Son showed us how to engage with others gracefully, despite differences and disagreements.
I confess my pride and stubbornness. Help me prioritize understanding over being right.
Teach me to listen patiently and to communicate with grace. Root me in Your truth.
Give me courage to face difficult conversations as opportunities to show Your love.
Remind me that healthy conflict leads to stronger relationships.
Guide my words and actions to reflect Your grace in every interaction.
Amen
Ally is the primary founder of For This House. She just finished renovating a cute, old house in small town Washington where she lives with her husband and young son. Ally is a teacher by trade, but also enjoys library cookbooks and watching Downton Abbey. Learn more about Ally.