For This House
Every Season. Every Space. All for Him.
Every Season. Every Space. All for Him.
I’ve been reflecting a lot on the Grown Girl’s Guide to Insecurity that Ally published last week and just how important and impactful this topic is for us throughout life. Comparing ourselves to others is second nature, whether it results in jealousy, depression, a competitive nature… none of the outcomes are entirely good.
Then I was putting my son to bed the other night with a Bluey storybook he was gifted recently and we read the “Baby Race” story. (P.S. Even if you don’t have kids, the Bluey show is just so positive and uplifting, I recommend checking it out!)
In this story, Bluey’s mum (yep, it’s mum in Australia) gets caught up in the baby milestone competition with the other mums in her newborn group. In the end though, another mum catches her to tell her that she’s doing a great job with Bluey.
On her own, Bluey’s mum decides to “run her own race” and quit comparing her daughter to the others, rather just be excited about and enjoy each milestone as it happens.
This got me thinking about how important it is for me to run my own race, and how I can interrupt the habit of comparison before I get too far down someone else’s lane.
I probably wouldn’t label myself as an insecure person, only in the sense that I feel I’ve developed a degree of self-awareness in adulthood now that I know better. But just because I “know better” doesn’t mean I’m innocent of falling into the comparison trap.
The opportunity to be happy for someone else, or see what we lack, is all around us. It’s in the parking lot, at the shopping mall, and most definitely on your social media feed.
Recognizing the moment the comparison trap hits is the first step to overcoming the hold it has on you and getting back on track to run your own race.
Personally, it’s been difficult to catch myself in the moment of that urge to compare. It’s much more natural to see it in retrospect. You know what they say, “hindsight is 20/20.”
So here are my own reminders to stay in my own lane and not get distracted by someone else’s race in the first place:
Now, I’m “type A” so I may lose some of you more creative-minded folks here, but as a planner, I’m always looking toward something. I love having a goal or vision of where I want to be in a few days, months, or years.
It’s natural to set goals for yourself to achieve when you’re at work or school, but setting personal growth milestones to achieve are also important. These are goals for yourself and no one else that will stay with you for life.
For me these personal growth goals have been focused around casual reading, spending habits, social interactions, Bible study, etc.
I’ll welcome you to keep me accountable in my current personal growth goal. It’s simple. I want to fuel my body with what it truly needs rather than what sounds yummy or has been marketed at me. I’ll say it’s definitely a work in progress.
Knowing what causes you to fall into the comparison trap in the first place can help you to avoid the urge as much as possible.
Is it seeing the curated outfits on models and mannequins in the mall? Is it the vacation photos plastered all over your social feed? Is it the fancy new toys and hobbies you see people with around town?
Identify comparison trap, limit it, and start to recognize these traps before you fall victim to them in the future.
Every year of your life has built up habits around you, for better or worse. Breaking a habit does not happen overnight as we all know.
It can take up to 254 days to break a habit. Make sure you give yourself grace as you begin to make a dent in your reaction to these comparison traps.
It will take time to build up your blinders to stay in your own lane. But over time it will become more natural and as you run your own race you’ll be seeing what others have and reacting with natural optimism and happiness for them.
A habit of gratefulness has so many benefits on your mental and spiritual health. It is such an uplifting practice.
As a Christian I find this habit helps me point back to the glory of God in everything that I have and do. Of course I do this better in some seasons than others. It’s always a shame to fall out of this habit because it is so impactful when I find my way back to it.
Whether you make a physical list, recite these to yourself, or discuss with a friend or family member, recognizing what we have takes the focus off of what we think we’re missing out on when that new, shiny thing passes us by later in the day.
Life happens in seasons. If you’re in a season where you are just way too buried under the weight of the world and all you can see around you is what you lack, it’s time to reach out for help.
Open up to someone you trust (even a counselor) and be honest with them. Ask for help creating a list of things you can be grateful for. Ask them to pray for you to find grace and compassion for yourself. Set a personal growth goal they can help you to be accountable for.
Dear Lord,
In a world filled with constant comparison and competition, I ask for Your strength and wisdom to recognize the comparison traps I fall into so easily. Help me to find contentment in who I am, knowing that I am fearfully and wonderfully made in Your image.
Give me a heart of joy and love for others so that I may genuinely celebrate their achievements, and over time build up a habit of reactive happiness for others.
Remind me of my blessings daily so I can focus on the good that surrounds me. Surround me with an encouraging community to walk with me as I work on running my own race.
Amen.
Lauren is a founder of For This House. She is passionate about living authentically for Christ both personally and professionally. Lauren lives in British Columbia with her family of boys. She enjoys nature walks, quality time with family or friends, and exploring new places. Learn more about Lauren.